4 words: hood of his car
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
