dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
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Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
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last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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