How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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