I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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