I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
