he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
