one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
