so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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