i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
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