Where are you?
In a non slutty way
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
