I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
