I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
