You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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