well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
