Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
