My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I fill condoms, not promises.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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