were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
