Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
