census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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