Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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