Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
