its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
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i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
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I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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