Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
