I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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