i already hear my dad disowning me
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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