Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Every concussion has its silver lining
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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