Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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