At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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