Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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