Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
