I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
