Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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