he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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