plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just want to make out with him forever
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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