Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
