and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
