Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
