uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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