Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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