your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
