Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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