Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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