Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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