I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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