I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
