I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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