Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
