I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
