im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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