I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
