with your own penis?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
