I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
