I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
