just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
