i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
