***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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