Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
