So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
