my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
