All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
