You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
