I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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