sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
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I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
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